Wednesday, July 24, 2002

Listening to Jonny D laberto, trippy far out stuff distant guitar repetitive melody lines echoes. Dust on my journal. Ennui in the soul, like a man disintegrating. Hadn't realized how sad I'd become in the mundane, and yet tired of the search for diversity too. Caught between boredom and anxiety over the complexity of my life right now. So busy. So many faces. So many words written and spoken. Thank god I don't own a TV. The strange reactions when I say I don't have one, and how now I look for reaction while inside I am nonchalant about not having one. Still miss my ball games. Good discipline not to have it at home. I long for time to spend in the woods. For those quiet moments in my day when symmetry, good karma, alignment, peace and calm the moment when you doze and daydream. I hectic fast-paced knuckle cracking fidgeting fool me toe tapping kinetic electro had to have surgery cause of too much juice in my heart. My very nature one of ferocity, speed and indomitable will. That is why I seek what I cannot naturally attain. It seems to ego me wisdom lies in conquering the opposite of your nature. And yet to just flow crazy flow the real you revealed why even try to change? As natural as the kinetic ways are to me, so is the longing in my heart for that quietude to balance that energy. To seek that opposite and find elusive Hallmark card thing called balance. Banal balance. Challenge Jack Pallance. My lip is twitchy to a conga piano echoes-y kind of repeto-techno-jazz. More on me and the not-me everything in between as I go forward, alone, into this world of words. You, that audience I perceive is out there in the pixelated hinterlands, you can come along too.

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